Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Is this the truth or just the alcohol talking

Many a night the constant thing that my nan would tell me was that I was stupid and that I was never wanted and that nobody loved me. For a long time I would believe these things. And even now though I have done a great amount of healing I do still have a bad day perhaps once a year when I do truly believe all that I was told. One of the hardest things to have to deal with when my nan was drinking was when she would talk about my mum. Because I had no memory of my mum I had no idea if what she would tell me was true or not. Even at a young age my nan told me that my mum had cheated on my dad and that she has also worked in a massage parlour. When every time I had asked my dad why they had separated he would say he could not remember. One thing I have learnt now is even if that had been the case there was no need for me to know those things that she had told me. To this day I will never know what benefit my nan made from sharing these things with me but I can only assume it was so that I would not ever feel like I could have been better off with my mum or even any where else. But the sad thing was that the alcohol had altered her perception of if this was something I needed to know or not.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I hope you always remember that you didn't deserve any of that.